Unforgiveness

Matthew 3:8 “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.”

 Forgiveness is tough. Sometimes people in our lives unintentionally hurt us, then we confront the person, and they sincerely repent.  Sometimes we have been hurt intentionally and there is no repentance from the other person. Either way, all their actions and words to us are then filtered through their past sin.  But we must forgive. We cannot continue to judge them through a lens of their past sin. Instead we must forgive to allow the relationship a chance to become stronger and healthier.  Our biggest struggle with forgiveness is the fear of getting hurt again, especially by someone we loved and trusted.  Our forgiveness cannot be contingent on someone else’ repentance or actions. God commands us to unconditionally forgive without excuse.  

To forgive someone is purely divine.  Without God’s power, we cannot forgive.  In ourselves, we don't even have the desire to forgive the tough things in life. When we have been hurt by someone whom we let in to the vulnerable places of our heart, we are blindsided and feel stupid. Our walls go up.  We are finished with that relationship.  As a young pastor’s wife, I was told by an older mentor, “There are some things in life you can’t forgive.”  She was serious and I was speechless. At that point in my life, my experiences had not brought me to such a dark place. Now, thirty years later, I understand her pain.  But the example of Jesus as He hung on that cross cannot let us settle for unforgiveness. 

Imagine the crucifixion and Jesus crying out, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they do.”   Consider the betrayal and rejection He must have felt on the cross.  For three years, He loved, He healed and He delivered countless people.  He tenderly ministered to everyone that called out to Him. 

He shared his heart and ministry with twelve intimate companions. He was betrayed by Judas, His friend and disciple.  One of His closest friends denied he even knew Him. The others scattered.  Finally, when Jesus was crucified, He died alone. Even His own Father had to turn away, because Jesus took on the sin of all humanity.  Not one person that He healed or encouraged stood up for Him.  We can blow it off and say, “Well, He was God.”  But He was fully man too.  He felt that pain and rejection as deeply as we have felt any pain.  In fact, I can’t help but think He felt it more intensely because He was rejected both as God and as man.  

But Jesus didn’t wait until He ‘got over it’ to pray for us.  In the midst of His death, He cried out to the Father for us.  That image of Christ is rooted in the deepest part of my heart.  When I am hurt or betrayed, I wish I could cry out with a pure heart like Jesus did. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do!” When unforgiveness starts to take root in my heart, I am overwhelmed by this image of Christ. I begin by praying, “Father, I honestly don’t want to forgive, but I want to to be like Jesus ….”  When we humble our hearts, He will walk with us through the journey.  And we will forgive.  With His help, we can do it.  That’s why He came, and that’s why He submitted Himself to death and rejection.  We can choose to let Him set us free from unforgiveness.  Or we can choose to reject Him too.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Matthew 6:14-15